Hard to hear the words…

but I really have no one to blame but myself.  During our workout last night, in between his encouraging words, hubby mentions “you’re not looking as lean”  I asked him what he meant exactly and he tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, just a casual comment.  Then he adds “you were leaner when you were doing more cardio”.  Ouch.  It hurt to hear the words but I knew that it was true.  I knew that my level of cardio was no where near the level when I first started working on my goal (Jan-Feb 2012).  Cardio now is almost non-existent.  I’ve had short periods where I’ve completed the Insanity workouts but I just haven’t been consistent.  And I know that I can’t expect to see any kind of improvement in my physique without putting the work in.

Here’s a little secret…  once a day, usually in the morning I’ll step into the bathroom, lift up my shirt to reveal my midsection and will give myself the “ok, I haven’t gained” confirmation pep talk.  Of course I’ll continue to stare at my midsection and wonder why it isn’t flatter or more defined.  haha.. funny isn’t it?  That I can still question the reasons behind my current physique even though I know exactly why my physique is where it’s at.  Then I continue my pep talk and remind myself that any time I feel the urge or craving to eat something I know I shouldn’t, I should just think back to that image of my midsection and how giving into that craving isn’t going to help my midsection lean out.

I don’t know what it is, but that image and the pep talk sometimes just doesn’t help.  And I actually know why that is.  When I first started this journey, I made fairly big changes in my eating and exercise routines.  It wasn’t gradual for me but something I jumped into.  I cut out all unhealthy foods and started exercising daily.  I remember times when hubby would tell me how impressed and how “hardcore” I was being with this lifestyle change.  And for two months I stuck to it and I did reach my goal.  Now, whenever I think about reaching my next goals I think to myself  “I did it once, I can do it again”.  It’s like I’m giving myself permission to indulge and slack off with my exercising with the thought that once I get serious about my goals again, I’ll be able to do it.  Easy.

So here’s the problem… I still haven’t set any goals.  A month or so ago, I had my measurements and fat percentage calculated, and I tried to set goals based on that.  Unfortunately I don’t think those goals were S.M.A.R.T goals.  With that being said, my first goal before anything else is to set my 2012 goals.


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